On the Couch
by Nova-chan
Summary: It's group therapy time, and boy do they need it!


On the Couch  
  
Author: Nova-chan  
  
E-mail: IlovemenoV@aol.com  
  
Series: Slayers  
  
Rating: G  
  
Summary: Lina takes Zelgadis in for psychiatry, but he doesn't seem to be the one who needs it, as Lina, Gourry, and Xelloss take the treatment, instead of him. And the psychologist.is Nahga!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"I don't see why I have to be here," Zelgadis grumbled.  
  
"I just think it would be a good idea for you to talk about your problems with a professional," Lina stated. "You've been under a lot of stress lately."  
  
Lina, Zelgadis, Gourry, and Xelloss were waiting outside a psychiatrist's office. Lina had decided that Zelgadis needed it after he had tried to rob a Joe Mugg's coffee shop.  
  
"WoooOOOoooOOOooo!" Gourry cried, holding up a syringe. "Look! I'm a doctor!"  
  
Zelgadis felt queasy. "Please tell me you don't want to be a doctor. I don't think the world is ready for Dr. Gourry."  
  
"Well," Gourry began, "I wanna be a pediatrician because I love animals!"  
  
"Right."  
  
"Mr. Greywers?" the secretary called. "The doctor will see you now."  
  
The group got up and went into the office where there were four chairs conveniently waiting. At the desk was a big, cushy chair that was facing away from them.  
  
Once they were settled in, a familiar laugh began.  
  
"OHOHOHOHO!!" The chair spun around towards them to reveal Nahga.  
  
"Oho, Lina! I always knew you were nuts!" she laughed.  
  
"Me?" Lina exclaimed, defensively. "You're the one who's losing it! Where's the real doctor?"  
  
"I am the real doctor!" Nahga yelled. "See that?" She pointed to a plaque. "That's my degree."  
  
Lina read it out loud. "'This hereby decrees that Nahga, the serpent is a psychiatrist.' Well.it's kind of vague, but you were telling the truth." Lina sighed. "Oh-kay, if you are the doctor, then I'm not your patient: Zelgadis is."  
  
Nahga looked around. "You?" she asked of the chimera.  
  
"No! Me!" Xelloss cried. "I'm the patient!" He phased out and back in on Nahga's desk. "Let's be friends."  
  
"Hmmm." Nahga said to herself. "It seems that you may need a session as well. Why don't you go sit on the couch for a minute?"  
  
"Yay!" the mazoku yelled. He turned around and blew a raspberry at Zelgadis.  
  
"Hey! Waitaminute!" Lina interrupted. "I'm paying you to fix Zel, not that unfixable mishap!"  
  
"Don't worry," Nahga assured her, "I'll have time for both of them. Now, Xelloss, if you would, please go sit on the-couch," she finished, seeing that he was already waiting.  
  
She pulled her chair close to the couch and grabbed a notepad and a pen.  
  
"So," she began, "would you say that you were a lonely child?"  
  
"Well.I was an only child," he answered. "I didn't have many friends, either."  
  
"I see." The serpent scribbled something down. "If you had to pick one word to describe yourself, what would in be?"  
  
"Sexy!"  
  
"Oh-kay.have you ever experienced any form of depression?"  
  
"Once."  
  
"For how long?"  
  
"Ten minutes."  
  
"What's the most traumatic thing you've ever experienced?"  
  
"Amelia."  
  
"My sister?"  
  
"Yes." He cringed.  
  
  
  
**  
  
  
  
About 20 minutes later:  
  
  
  
"And Lina's always hitting me! And nobody likes me!" Xelloss bawled.  
  
"So, you feel threatened?" Nahga asked.  
  
"Hey look!" Gourry called, hanging from the ceiling. "I'm a monkey!"  
  
"Hey!" Nahga screamed. "Get off the fan!"  
  
"Why?" he asked, spinning around.  
  
"All right, monster-boy, your time's up!" Nahga said.  
  
Xelloss got up and went back to his chair.  
  
"Gourry, on the couch," Nahga ordered.  
  
"Weee!" the swordsman yelled, jumping up and down on the couch.  
  
"All right, Gourry," the busty sorceress began, "what are you most afraid of?"  
  
"Um." He thought for a minute, still jumping on the couch. "Lina."  
  
"Lina?"  
  
"Yeah." He eyed the smaller sorceress, nervously.  
  
She fumed, not noticing that she was squeezing the life out of Zelgadis' shoulder.  
  
"Lina," he squeaked. "I.can't.breathe!"  
  
"Ooops! Sorry Zelgadis!" she exclaimed. Then, she stared evilly at Gourry again.  
  
"Umm." Gourry tried to avoid her eyes. "What were you saying, Nahga?"  
  
"Describe your emotions when you're around Lina," she said.  
  
"Well, sometimes, I'm hungry and then other times I'm tired, but sometimes I'm happy, but-"  
  
"Which emotion do you experience most around her?" she rephrased.  
  
"Hungry."  
  
"Oh-kay.would you say this hunger was derived from negative emotions toward Lina?"  
  
"No!" Xelloss piped up. "It's just because he's a bottomless pit. I'd know if it was a negative emotion because it would be so delicious.mmm."  
  
"Umm.oh-kay, then." Nahga scratched her head. "Is that true, Gourry?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Lina? Your turn."  
  
  
  
**  
  
  
  
10 minutes later:  
  
  
  
"And, then Luna was always looming over me with her scary eyes and her giant breasts, and I just felt so obsolete!" Lina cried.  
  
"So, you're tenacity towards Gourry is because of buried traumas with your sister?" Nahga asked.  
  
"Hey! That's right, wow!" Lina hopped and skipped around the room. "Gourry! Gimme a hug!"  
  
"Aaah!" Gourry screamed, as she chased him around.  
  
Nahga blew a whistle. "All right! Everybody out! Your session's over!"  
  
"Hey!" Zelgadis yelled. "What about me?"  
  
"You'll have to reschedule." Nahga shrugged.  
  
Lina chased Gourry right out of the room, Xelloss following her with a video camera.  
  
Zelgadis slowly followed them. "I hate my life.hey! Now I can go rob Starbucks!!!"  
  
  
  
**  
  
  
  
-Hey! How was it? Review, so I'll know what you thought of it. I hope to see you next time! Send me your ideas, requests, or comments! Anybody have an idea for a fic? I'm nearly finished with Sanjuso's fic, but I'll need ideas after that too, so help me out!  
  
3 Nova-chan 


End file.
